Lately, I was scrolling through an old chat with an old friend and came across this line by me in regards to what I wanted to do after graduation : 

      My first goal is to write a book and get it published.

I love that goal very much, but it has changed. I realize, that really really gradually, I've shifted. I didn't even notice it. Adults often said, it's okay to change your mind on what you want, and I always thought changing your mind would be painful, like letting go of a dream. But I didn't even feel it happening.

I hate to think that writing books was a fad. It was not. I still love doing it. I still want to do it. But I'm no longer in a hurry to finish or to succeed at it or to prove myself by doing it. I slowly realized I don't care much for traditional publishing or for indie publishing for myself right now. I'm not there yet. I don't think book writing is my career and it's fine. There's a lot more to WRITING than that. 

I feel like while the blogging community is awfully helpful and kind and healthy (usually), it's still very easy to fall into the trap of jumping on bandwagons, comparing yourself, and trying to be like other people. I did not know this starting out, and turns out, my blogging journey has as much been one of learning who I really am, as much as learning from others.

I thought being a teenage author was something I wanted - but was it more of a peer pressure sort of thing? Not that any of you put any pressure on me at all - in fact, you all would have told me that all you want me to do is to be myself. But just by the fact that so many of you were pursuing the same goal - I felt like that was somehow THE goal to have.

Lesson learned - the kind of environment you soak yourself in will seep into you, whether you want it to or not. People don't mean to influence you one way or the other, but they still do.

So, I'm grateful for where I was because goals and passions are good (usually), but I'm also grateful for where I've arrived because I've learned something. And that something is that not everyone's goals are, or should be, the same and that's okay. And that your goals - or my goals - don't have to remain the same and that's okay. 

So don't force yourself to stay in the same place where you thought you belonged. Give yourself space to grow and discover. 

writing for oh beloved one magazine has had many perks, the least of which not being the opportunity to meet new people and make new friends!! one of my fellow writers, Angela Dawne, recently started a blog, and is currently hosting blog tour for it. the blog, Key Words, is a unique blend of fiction and nonfiction, each entry inspired by a "key word". I agreed to help Ann out with her tour, and here's a smol interview I had with her. it should give you a little bit of an idea who she is and what she's up to - and why you should immediately hop over to her place and give her a follow!!

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tell us a bit about yourself!! what are some unique things that make you you?

"I’m a homeschooled teen with a love for words- Both written and spoken. I love dark chocolate, rainy days, and sweet tea.

"I suppose what makes me “me” is my love of learning new things. I’m constantly picking up or dropping new hobbies, so I’m sort of a female version of “Jack of all trades and master of none”- Though I do hope to eventually master writing. . .even if it’s only a little bit.

when did you discover your love for writing and why do you write?

"I was twelve years old when I first discovered the joys of writing and started listening to it’s call. I write as both an escape from harsh realities and as a way to embrace the truths of the world.

what do you plan to post on your new blog?

"I plan to be posting everything from poetry to flash fiction and non-fiction articles. Every two weeks I’ll pick a new word to use as a prompt or to study.

what do you hope to learn or achieve from blogging?

"I hope to learn more about the writing craft in general. I hope to better my storytelling skills and hopefully entertain and inspire my readers.

what do you hope to contribute to the world through your blog... or, shall we say, what do you hope to impart to your readers?

"I hope my blog inspires people to think outside the box, and to embrace their creativity.

why should people follow you? give us your best pitch!!

"They should follow me in the hopes of being entertained and inspired. My blog will be full of weekly content, and no two posts will be the same."

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Angela Dawne is a homeschooled

dreamer, thinker and writer

who often finds herself

lost in the labyrinth of her mind.

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I hope you all have been inspired to check out Ann's new blog here, and say hello and welcome her to the blogosphere!! :)) I'm sure she's going to be a shining addition to our little community ;)

have a lovely week, everyone.

peace out, lisa

this was meant to go up last year, but I'm a bit late. so. pardon my tardiness. hope you don't mind reading another recap xD

the yearly recap posts are my absolute favorites. favorites to read, favorites to write. I love looking back and counting all the blessings. so here we are again, another year over. another recap due. LET'S GET INTO IT.

[BLOGGING] to be fair, my blogging has slowed down quite a bit this year. not that I regret it, exactly. it's been a year of trying to figure out where I'm going with this, what I want from this, how to continue this in the best way possible. how to GROW this. how to let this grow along with me, because it's hard. it's tempting to want to leave it just as it began, but that is not my purpose.

some of my better posts:

possibly my favorite - does blogging really improve your writing?

a very very long q+a post

how I met cardan and what he's been doing to me

also the five beautiful guest posts I posted this fall

more on this whole blogging thing next year. we'll see where it takes me.

[WRITING] I did not start new books, I did not finish old books, I did not achieve anything significant. yes, I wrote. no, not obsessively, like in the past. I think one of my greater achievements in this field was writing for oh beloved one. I learned so much more than I ever expected, mostly about how amazing it is to write nonfiction. I learned from the actual act of writing an article about a subject I hadn't thought about much before. Most significantly :

/ there are many ways one can discover their purpose, and you can learn from other people's lives; in this case, how they discovered their PURPOSE may give you some hidden insights on how to look for yours

/ you are meant to be VICTORIOUS. it's not a maybe. it's a fact.

/ your IDENTITY may not depend on what you do, but what you do makes up part of your identity. 

/ we are not enough and that's okay because God is, which is why we DEPEND on him. and this how we get to know him better.

/ why we are asked to LOVE others.

[BOOKS] a recap isn't a recap without recapping WHAT I READ. I read 53 book this year, which is so much less that the 80+ I've been reading the past few years. BUT IT'S OKAY. who really needs to read that much as long as the books you read are worth it??

best new titles :

/ do hard things (alex and brett harris)

/ the guernsey literary and potato peel pie society (mary ann shaffer)

/ bakuman (tsugumi oba)

/ love, henri (henri nouwen)

/ small damages (beth kephart)

/ the cruel prince & the rest of the trilogy (holly black)

/ romanov (nadine brandes)

/ harry potter and the philosopher's stone (j. k. rowling)

/ 100 days of sunlight (abbie emmons)
/ the mark of the raven (morgan l. busse)
/ with the fire on high (elizabeth acevedo)

/ honorary mention goes to the kids books my mom read aloud to my siblings that I also listened to and liked way too much for my own good - namely, The Imagination Station, Castle Glower, and Tom Austen mysteries.

[ON SCREEN] might as well continue with this list, since movies are a big thing for all of us. I learned this year that I don't like watching movies by myself... laughing about it isn't the same.

/ lego movies. most notably lego ninjago: masters of spinjitsu and lego batman. yes, I'm secretly still a child.

/ how to train your dragon: the hidden world. waited for this one for years and it was beautiful and it was amazing.

/ the lion king. there's no feeling like watching a movie you already know and ADORE for the first time ... contradictory, I know.

/ the incredibles 2. yes this appears to be the year of sequels and remakes.

/ the peanut movie. far more adorable than I expected.

/ foyle's war. a historical mystery series we were far too invested in in the beginning of the year.

/ tolkien. while I was slightly disappointed at the lack of C. S. Lewis and how short a timeline this covered, it was a very emotional biography. I think I'm into these biographical films.

/ abominable. saw this like three hours before 2020.

/ the help. the aesthetic of this movie was gorgeous.

/ star wars: a new hope. I was slightly worried it would be too old for me, but despite the obvious age in the visual effects, the story and characters were as brilliant as anything they could have written today.

[IN MY HEADPHONES] still listening to spotify regularly, even though not as much as last year according to my stats (but maybe that's just because my sister wasn't sharing my account anymore). (also maybe it's because for one month I abandoned spotify and listened to downloaded music instead. 200+ songs on repeat.) ccm and pop still top my charts but I was happy to see that indie acoustic is now my third top genre. I love it. it fits my book and it fits the weather over here. 

JANUARY // skating / smoothies / christian nonfiction / a very bad flu / snow storms / science exam. FEBRUARY // still sick / started making travel videos / started taking a lot of photos / got into using brush pens / lego movies. MARCH // coffee / marsh mellow roasts / hand lettering / brush pens / manga / watercolors / still sick. APRIL // recovering / camp nanowrimo / watercolor florals / going to parks / some sewing / a new penpal. MAY // table tennis / photography / hair braiding / more painting / salad/ / summer weather. JUNE // picnics / tennis / lakes / seaside / hiking / exploring local places / taking too many photos and making too many videos. JULY // embroidery / thrift stores / slept in a tent / httyd 3 / more day trips. AUGUST // peaches / abbie's book / altered a dress / precalculus / trip planning. SEPTEMBER // quit my job / packing / a 24 hour trip to the other side of the world. OCTOBER // overseas / visiting relatives / time of my life / my birthday. NOVEMBER // ghibli movies / making an album / new courses / getting back into art. DECEMBER // a reading spree / skating / made about 30 christmas cards / rereading the year's journal / reflecting and setting goals / chocolate / lights.

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AND NOW, well, it's 2020. and I don't have anything big to say about my plans or anything of that sort. we'll see where the year takes me. but whatever it is, I'm going to live to the fullest and enjoy every moment. and hopefully share some of it with yall. ;))

happy new year.